Friday, June 4, 2010

Call me "Mark"

Definition of "Fraud". = an intentional DECEPTION made for personal gain.
Definition of "Deception". = are acts to propagate beliefs that are not true, or not the whole truth (as in half-thruths or omission).
Definition of "Con Artist". = a person who attempts to defraud a person or group by gaining their confidence. The victim of the "Con Artist" is known as "the mark".
Question to my parents, why'd you name me David? Should have named me "Mark". Because apparently, I'm naive and I just can't fathom people being so dishonest and unethical. I guess I'm always gonna be "the mark". It's not fun.
Can't we just do our work without these cancers preying on us?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Baby Names...

If "diarrhea" didn't mean what it meant, do you think it'd be a pretty baby name. I do. It's a very pretty word..."diarrhea". Or "chlamydia", either one, both about equal.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Pregnancy Bed Rest...

You know how dogs get those lamp shades around there neck so they don't bite or lick their balls? Well, I need one. This bed rest is killing me.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Groups...?

I don't understand all these odd Facebook groups. They are the weirdest things. I just saw a group called " I wasn't mad when you asked me the first 7 times if I was mad. Now I'm mad" or "How headphones get tangled up on their own, I'll never understand". What do they all do together as a group? I understand, political groups, or a company that someone works for, or a movie they made, or a graduating class from a school they attended, but groups like, "Spay the Octo-mom"? I'll never get it.
But, instead of fighting it, I'm gonna share some of my own pointless group ideas I came up with while I couldn't sleep for hours:
1) "I hate when I say bye to someone and then we both walk away in the same direction."
2) "How does everyone else understand the lyrics that singers are singing, but I can't."
3) "I'm angry that pregnant women and doctors consider 4 weeks a full month."
4) "Hey Dodger Stadium!! Open up another register at the concession stand!! You are losing money, and I am missing the F@#$ng game!!".
5) "Why are you 4 weeks pregnant two weeks after conception?"
6) "Why does Simon always have that part in the middle of his hair."
7) "Pass Prevent?!! Really?!!"
8) "Why do baseball coaches put their closers in, in a non closing situation?"
9) "Hire someone to clean your bathrooms!!!"
10) "I love when someone passes me on a street real fast and then I pull up next to them at the red-light."
11) "I hate when I pass someone on the street and then I pull up next to them at the red-light."
12) "Why didn't Frodo and Sam just kiss at the end of Lord of the Rings."
13) "I hate when I miss someone call and then call them back immediately and they don't answer."
14) "I always start cleaning while I argue with my wife, I mean I have to do something constructive!".
15) "How much traffic could you have possibly hit to be this late?"
16) "I hate when people use there babies as excuses for being late. Plan on the baby craping itself! I mean it does every-time apparently!"
17) "I can't walk normal up stairs, I have to go fast and skip multiple steps."
18) "I've never tried on clothes in a mirror without dancing or talking to an imaginary person."
19) "Why does it say "Push" when you can do either one?"
20) "Why are you stupid if you count with your fingers, we all know it helps."
21) "Who gives a crap which fork I use, It's all the same shit."
22) "Who decided it's rude to put your elbows on the table?! It's so much more comfortable."
23) "Let's all go back to the 20's, when fatter was the sexiest, it would make life so much more enjoyable."
24) "I hate having to clean because the maid is coming."
25) "Why is that one random stream of water coming out of my shower head cold?"
26) "I still forget which 12:00 is A.M. or P.M."
27) "How come I always want what someone else ordered? Do I not know myself that much?"
28) "Why do I keep going back to Supercuts?"
29) "We are sick of people saying they are stressed. What would be really rare is a post that says "I am not stressed today"."
30) "I don't know the difference between 'going out on Friday jeans' and 'going to work jeans'."
31) "I would be a better manager than every manager at every restaurant I've ever been at."
32) "What is that thing on Val Kilmer's elbow in "Heat"?!"
33) "I hate Al Davis!"
34) "I'm still waiting for Panda Express to not give me my receipt so I can get my free meal."
35) "Stop it Nicolas Cage. Just Stop!"
36) "Let's just say steroids is a vitamin and make life less frustrating for us sports fans."
And last,
37) "I'm sick of liars, cheats, and con-artists in the film industry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My Life.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Mirror

Do you ever look in the mirror at yourself and go "you know what? I look good today?" Cause I don't.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Stress...

I've been learning a couple things about myself lately. I've been trying to loose weight and I realized that when I get stressed out, I eat. Which is bad, cause I'm trying to get thinner. I also learned that if I am not stressed out and feel good and happy, I eat. Damnit.